Never Wake A Sleeping Sky Pirate
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: In which Vaan learns why he should never wake up Balthier. Rated T for Teen. Implied BalFran ONESHOT


**Disclaimer: I now own Final Fantasy XII. Because, you know, I can totally make enough money as a college student to buy the rights to one of the most popular RPGs in the world.**

**Zephyr here! I've done it again, apparently. I wanted to finish one of my Code Geass oneshots before this one, but apparently that didn't happen. I based Balthier kinda off of myself in this one only because I thought it was amusing. I had no idea that I was like this until I actually finished it. That being said, let the deadly tale begin!**

Vaan never failed to amuse Penelo when he stumbled into the kitchen in the morning. His hair could easily be mistaken for a bird's nest and his eyes always had a dull glaze over them, showing just how much he wanted to be asleep. On this particular morning, Vaan seemed like he was more awake that he usually was when he made his way into the kitchen. His eyes were a bit brighter than normal and he managed to avoid hitting the table like he usually did.

"Morning, Vaan." Penelo said as she cut into a starfruit with a knife.

"Where's Fran?" Vaan asked randomly.

"Hello to you, too." Penelo sighed.

"I just ran into Nono and he said that he needs to talk to Fran." Vaan explained why he was looking for the Viera so early in the morning. "Something about the engine or something like that."

"She just left to go check on things." Penelo said through a mouthful of starfruit.

"And I have returned." Fran walked back into the kitchen, ducking her head so that her ears wouldn't hit the doorway.

"What did Nono want?" Vaan asked.

"He needed to know where the screwdriver was." Fran said as she poured a glass of orange juice.

"And he couldn't look for it himself?" Vaan raised an eyebrow.

"He thought it was on top of the storage closet and he's too small to reach it himself." Fran replied. "And before you ask, he tried to use a step-stool."

"I wasn't going to say anything." Vaan said with a yawn.

"It's not that early, Vaan." Penelo rolled her eyes at the younger sky pirate. "It's after eleven."  
"That constitutes too early." Vaan nodded. "So why are we meant to be awake, anyway? Why couldn't we sleep in?"

"This doesn't count as sleeping in?" Penelo frowned.

Fran ignored her and said, "Balthier said that he wanted to go to the Port at Balfonheim today."

"So where is rainbow boy, anyway?" Vaan asked.

"You know he hates it when you call him that." Penelo said as she finished the starfruit.

"So?" Vaan shrugged. "He knows I hate being called squirt, but he still does it."

"He wasn't in the engine room." Fran said. "Perhaps he's still asleep."

"I'll go get him, then." Vaan said deviously. "Payback time."

"Better that I go than you." Fran said as she made to leave the room. "I know how he can be in the mornings."

"Oh, it can't be that bad." Penelo said. "Not as bad as Migelo."

"I would not know about Migelo, but I know about Balthier." Fran said as she left the kitchen.

Soon enough, she found herself at the door to Balthier's room. Fran knocked a few times and after hearing only silence, quietly slid the door open and stepped into the darkness.

She'd been in Balthier's room many times while it was lit, but it was significantly harder to navigate through the room in the dark. Her hands fumbled around the desk until she found the power switch for the lamp. She didn't have to worry about the light being so strong as to wake up Balthier. She'd long since learned that he could sleep through just about anything.

Once there was a bit of light in the room, Fran looked over to the bed and found Balthier curled up under the covers, completely asleep. Fran should have known that Balthier wouldn't be awake. He'd stayed up most of the night reading a new book that he'd bought earlier the previous day.

"Balthier?" Fran said, hoping that it wouldn't be hard to wake the elder sky pirate this time. "It's after eleven. It's time to wake up."

Her only response from Balthier was silence. He clearly had not woken up at the sound of Fran's voice.

Fran sighed as she stared at the sky pirate. He always told her to use more drastic means to wake him up if she needed to, but she preferred not to use them if at all possible. The last time she had done such a thing, Balthier had grabbed his gun from the bedside table and had shot at her, barely missing her ears.

Not wanting to use such drastic measures, Fran simply grabbed the covers and yanked them away from Balthier, who somehow managed to retrieve a corner and pull the blankets back to his chest. She picked up an abandoned pillow on the floor and threw it at Balthier's head, but the sky pirate refused to wake up. She walked back to the door and opened and closed it rather loudly several times, but this provided no results.

Fran frowned as she walked back to the bed, her eyes on the sleeping Balthier. She was tempted to try shaking him awake, but she remembered what happened the last time she tried that. She sat down on the edge of the bed as her mind ran over past methods of waking the sky pirate. She had already tried everything that she thought of.

Except that.

Fran's eyes narrowed as she thought of how well it could work. She'd never tried it on him before, but she'd heard that it worked on other humes. Penelo said that she often used this method on Vaan in the mornings.

She decided that she might as well give it a shot. After all, what was left to try? She slowly bent down and pressed her lips to Balthier's for a few seconds before backing away to see the results.

Apparently it had worked. Balthier moved slightly and the eyes flickered open, the brown meeting the red.

"That's new." Balthier said hoarsely as he turned over on his back.

"Nothing else would work." Fran explained before she rolled her eyes and said, "Of course that would."

"What's that meant to mean?" Balthier asked as he failed to stifle a yawn.

"Nothing." Fran shook her head. "It is after eleven."

"In the morning?" Balthier seemed surprised. "Interesting."

"If we are going to the Port at Balfonheim today, we had best leave soon." Fran said as she stood and made her way to the door.

"We can do that tomorrow." Balthier turned back on his stomach and attempted to go back to sleep.

"Oh no you don't." Fran walked back and pulled the covers back. "You cannot sleep all day."

"Vaan does it enough." Balthier scowled at the Viera before he sat up and leaned against the wall. "I could go for a nap later."

"This is why you should not stay up reading all night." Fran shook her head.

"I know, I know." Balthier nodded. "But it was getting so good."

"You could have Vaan navigate the _Strahl_ while you finish it." Fran offered.

"No thanks." Balthier shook his head. "I'd rather make it to the Port at Balfonheim alive."

"If you insist." Fran said with a slight smile before she turned back toward the door. "Now get ready before Vaan decides to pilot the _Strah l_anyway."

Balthier's eyes grew wide at the very notion of Vaan piloting his beloved airship and got out of bed saying, "There's no way I'm going to let that happen."

* * *

Vaan found a rather interesting sight before him when he walked into the kitchen. Balthier was sitting at the table with a cup of tea in his hand. What Vaan found the most unusual was that his head was on the table and his eyes were closed, a clear indicator to Vaan that the sky pirate was asleep.

"Way to fall back asleep, Balthier." Vaan sighed, shaking his head as he grabbed a bowl of grapes from the fridge.

He looked back at the sleeping sky pirate as he debated about waking him up. Fran had said that it was best if she woke him up, but he knew that Balthier shouldn't spend the entire day sleeping.

"Balthier?" Vaan said as he turned back to the sleeping man. "You know you can't sleep all day, right?"

This, of course, provided no results from the sky pirate. Vaan set the bowl of grapes down on the table and faced Balthier. Fran had made it obvious that Balthier was a hard sleeper, but just how hard would it be to wake him up?

Vaan walked over to the fridge, opened the door and slammed it shut, keeping his eyes on Balthier the entire time. The sky pirate did not move, causing Vaan to groan in frustration. After rummaging through the drawer of cutlery, Vaan pulled out a meat cleaver and started banging it on the counter. He rolled his eyes when this didn't wake up Balthier.

Vaan started pacing the length of the kitchen as he tried to think of a way to wake up Balthier without the elder sky pirate back-handing him when he woke up. He noticed that Balthier hadn't moved at all during his attempt to arouse him. Was it possible that Balthier had gone into a coma? Or had died? It was unlikely, sure, but Vaan tended to jump to conclusions.

Cautiously, Vaan made his way over to the table and slowly placed his fingers on Balthier's neck in an attempt to find a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found one.

Vaan slouched in the chair across from Balthier, staring at the sky pirate. Was it really worth it? Was getting Balthier to wake up really worth all that trouble? He remembered the last time this had happened. Balthier had slept too long during the day and had been awake most of the night. Unfortunately for Vaan, the elder sky pirate had decided to spend the night running in and out of his room, claiming that he was looking for an undisclosed item. Vaan only slept for a little over four hours that night, which was already bad enough without the Mark hunt that Fran and Basch insisted on going on later in the day.

Yeah, he _really_ should wake him up.

"Wake up already, Balthier." Vaan started pelting grapes at the sky pirate's head in a last-ditch attempt to get Balthier awake.

As soon as the grape made contact with his head, Balthier bolted upright, his eyes as wide dinner plates as he knocked over the cup of tea in his hand, spilling tea all over the table. Once he saw that there was no danger, he glared at Vaan in annoyance.

"Yes, Vaan?" Balthier hissed.

"Why does chucking a grape at your head wake you up when slamming doors doesn't?" Vaan scowled in annoyance.

"When I was younger, my older brothers would constantly slam doors while they tried to escape from my father because of some prank that they pulled." Balthier said, his eyes falling on the tea on the table. "I grew used to hearing loud noises."

"That's obvious." Vaan said.

"So is there a reason why you woke me up?" Balthier shot Vaan a glare before he got up from the table and grabbed a paper towel to clean up the spilt tea.

"I just didn't want you sleeping so late in the day." Vaan said.

"How sweet." Balthier said.

"As if!" Vaan caught Balthier's meaning. "I didn't want you running in and out of my room like you did last time. I'd like more than four hours of sleep tonight."

"Why would I be running in an out of your room?" Balthier frowned.

"That's what you did last time." Vaan glared at the elder sky pirate.

"I have no recollection of this event." Balthier said with a frown.

"Gee, what a surprise?" Vaan rolled his eyes.

"What's a surprise?" Fran asked as she walked into the kitchen carrying a basket of apples.

"Nothing, Fran." Balthier shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

Fran's red eyes moved from Balthier to Vaan then back to Balthier again before saying, "He woke you up, didn't he?"

Balthier blinked and said, "How did you figure that?"

"Balthier, I've been your partner for how many years now?" Fran questioned. "I can tell when you've just woken up."

"Well, yes he did." Balthier said as he made to pour another cup of tea.

"What did he do?" Fran asked as she placed the apples in the fridge.  
"Threw grapes at my head." Balthier glared at the younger sky pirate.

Fran rounded on Vaan and said, "What have I said about waking him up? You should be lucky that he did not have his gun or else he would have shot you."

"Actually, you didn't say that I shouldn't wake him up." Vaan pointed out. "You just said that it would be better if you were to do it."

"Because I know how bad he can be in the mornings." Fran responded.

"You make it seem like I'm some kind of monster in the morning." Balthier said as he waited for the water to heat on the stove.

"Balthier, you shot at my head." Fran replied coolly.

"I wasn't aiming!" Balthier exclaimed.

"Exactly my point." Fran nodded as she sat down next to Vaan. "You need to be gentler when you wake up."

"I blame my brothers for this." Balthier said. "If they weren't so obnoxious-"

"That's not the point, Balthier." Fran said.

Vaan watched the argument between the Viera and the sky pirate. He had no idea what Fran was talking about, but he'd learned something that day. It was never a good idea to wake a sleeping sky pirate.

**Sorry if it didn't make sense at points. I wrote part of this while I was up at one in the morning. So I hope it was a decent read. I'm hoping to have a chapter of my KH story up soon, but I still have homework to finish before the break is over. Thanks for reading. Reviews equal love!**


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